Okay, I'm going to finally come out and admit it both to you and to myself...I am afraid of food. There I said it. Pity that doesn't automatically make me feel better. What do I mean about being afraid of food? I get anxious every time I think about meal times. Questions race through my head like, will there be food I can eat? Will people get frustrated or exasperated at me because I can eat what their eating? I hate feeling like a burden on others, but I have to ask for accommodation. In short I feel like my health and well being are out of my control every time I need to refuel. As a consequence of this when I do find things I can eat safely I over eat because I don't know if I'll be able to have what's being served at the next meal.
Let me back track for a moment here since I'm sure many of you are thinking to yourselves, "But Caroline you CAN cook. We know, we've seen the recipes you've posted here." To that I have to remind you that I'm at college and on a meal plan. I don't have the time or money to go food shopping right now and don't have easy access to a fully equipped kitchen.
However even that situation is too easy for me to handle. No, we have to add yet another complicating factor because when it comes to my digestive system things are never that simple. So what should we add? Humm...I know! Let's add IBS into the equation! great, now we have a list of possible trigger foods or food elements (such as sugar, caffeine, exc.) as long as my arm from which to start guessing which ones apply to me. Now this is more of the Caroline + digestion + food situation we all know and love. (this is sarcasm, incase you had any doubt) So now I have to run the gauntlet of avoiding food intolerances and IBS exacerbating foods all while having no control over what foods are available. Are we having fun yet? So what can I eat? Lettuce? Nope, that is all fiber and with the kind of IBS I have more fiber is not a good thing.
Now let's add the social aspect which is inescapable at college. Eating and drinking are social things. Food is everywhere. Going out to meals with friends, staying in for meals with friends, parties, meetings, critiques, all of these things are social eating situations and more often than not the food there is something I can't eat. So what am I to do? Not eat? Then I'm sitting around watching other people eat which is very awkward. Or eat and be sick the rest of the day? Or ask for others to go out of their way to accommodate me. Or just not be there if I can avoid it? I honestly don't like any of these options. So I end up getting anxious every time I even think of being in this situation again. And it happens several times a day.
One other important thing to note is even though the food I'm intolerant to makes me feel awful it still tastes good at the time. My favorite food of all time is pizza, but it's at the top of the "don't eat me" list. Pizza being offered at events is usually an incentive, but I have to run the other way because I don't have the self control to be around it.
I'm just ranting today not trying to find solutions. But I think talking to a nutritional counselor would be a good next step.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
VALKYRIE IS GRADUATING!
Actually she's going for in home training, but either way in two weeks she'll be a working guide! Usually Guide Dogs for the Blind has their students come to either their Oregon or California campus to complete 2 weeks of training with their new dog partners, but sometimes that can't work for the student generally because of a mobility problem or something similar. So the dog and a trainer from Guide Dogs goes to them. In this case Valkyrie will be traveling to Austin, TX to start her new life with her partner. I can tell you how proud I am! I also can't tell you how sad I am. The only chance I would have to see her before she leaves is over Thanksgiving break (this week), but I'm still at school in New York for the next three weeks. I'm sending Mom to see her and take pictures and things, but it's still very upsetting not to be able to say goodbye to the puppy that I was with almost constantly for a year. I'm just hoping that her partner will want to keep in touch. I'm still so torn with the conflicting emotions of immense pride and sorrow that I don't really know what to do with myself. All I know for sure is that she is going to be amazing. How do I know that? Well apart from the fact that I raised her a friend told me that a couple of weeks ago she was selected to demonstrate intelligent disobedience at the Fall Luncheon which is one of the big Oregon fundraisers that Guide Dogs puts on. Also, in the email I received telling me that Valkyrie was graduating my CFR mentioned that only dogs that are considered "bomb proof" (dogs that can handle everything and anything) go to do in home training because it would be very difficult to switch them out.
So with Valkyrie graduating and no new guide puppies in sight for the next three years the name of the blog should change a bit as not to mislead people. Let me know what you think of the change. I think it isn't drastic enough to displease anyone.
In the next edition: College life in all it's crazyness. Although the next edition might not come out until after I'm home on break.
Friday, June 29, 2012
I just realized I haven't written much about Valkyrie recently so here's a hodge podge of what's been going on with her. For the past few months she's been on food protocol for being slightly nervous about heavy traffic. She shows her nervousness by racing ahead so she's been getting food for being right beside me with her coat next to my leg and the leash loose. She's been doing really well at it and I think she'll soon be ready to come off food protocol.
She had her second evaluation back in the middle of May and our CFR is pleased with her progress.
She's had some fun outings to two different farmers markets recently and before I leave in August I want to take her to the Portland Art Museum and the Lan Su Chinese Garden (if they allow her, I haven't asked yet). Maybe I'll get to take her to Saturday Market, but I'm not sure about that one. I want to take her to Ashland with me too. I wish I could be taking her to my summer biology class, but I have lab in the middle of the day and while we aren't doing anything too gross you never know what's been spill that she might lie in. I've been trying to get more pictures of her on outings since I don't have many and outings are a big part of being a guide puppy.
|Here she is at the Hillsdale Farmers Market. I always feel a tiny warm glow when we walk past these signs.|
|She's trying to convince me that my lunch should be her lunch too.|
Her first birthday was last Sunday (post coming soon), and she still hasn't come in heat which is odd but not unheard of.
Right now she's at a puppysitters, her second puppysit of June, because I'll away. I wanted to take her with me, but a trip that had been overnight has turned into a three day production. I think she would handle it with flying colors, but I wouldn't. So she's staying home.
And here's a cute, if yellow, picture of Kelsa too.